"How are you?"
"Yeah, I'm good, how are you?"
Most of us answer some variation of these questions at the beginning of every single conversation we ever have. It’s almost like breathing. “Hey, how’s it going?” “Good, how about you?” We all see it coming, and we have plenty of practice. And that’s it! Fruitless, nice-person exercise, check ✔. It’s the social equivalent of iceberg lettuce – you ate a “salad” with little-to-no nutritional value. No oxytocin dump, no real connection.
For many of us, this is as close as we get to sharing our inner world with another human being. We sidestep the almost-vulnerability like a deft soccer winger and move on with our lives. We do it over, and over, and over again. This ritual gives the illusion of care – of connection – but like magnets that are held barely apart, we never truly come into contact with each other.
Meanwhile, millions of us (at least in the US) are slowly suffocating. No attention. No warmth. No one to listen. No one who understands.
Good, and You? How to Get Real Support Instead of Faking It
Study after study points to social support and relationships as the keys to longevity, happiness, mental health and physical health. But no one tells us that! Much less how to form and sustain the kind of community that we so desperately need. Why is connection, vulnerability, and support so damn hard sometimes? How can we have more access to each other than ever, and still be so lonely? What will it take for us to open up about the things that actually matter?
In this lively manifesto/guidebook on connection, we'll talk about:
✔ How to find safe people
✔ If anyone even wants to support us
✔ Why self-care isn't enough
✔ How to protect ourselves and connect
✔ How to start those deep conversations
If you’re ready to start working towards a new normal, this may be the book for you. Build your raft. We'd love for you to be a part of ours.
The Good, And You Guidebook
If you're looking to up the amount of social support in your life, make more real connections, and have more supportive conversations...this is the workbook for you. And we want to help you go further in your journey to building your own raft. Get the Good, And You workbook for free when you join our email list!
"I bought this amazing book on Amazon today
that will change the way we do relationships!"
"If you've ever felt alone while going through some murky waters of life, or worse, then this book is for you. If you then looked around and thought something was wrong with you because nobody else is struggling with what you are, you'll thank me for sharing this.
The authors, Kayla and Andy Izard, The Raft Project, make an authentic and heartfelt stance on the importance of community. They not only share personal stories, but research that backs it all up. The occasional uplifting quotes tops it off.
As a Certified Stepfamily Coach, I can tell you that the #1 complaint of step parents is that they feel alone and don't have somebody to talk to. That echoes my past experience and that of my clients as well.
Well, now we all have a tried and true blueprint of how to form a supportive inner circle, even if you don't know anyone or have previously given up trying. They don't just tell you why, but how as well.
Bottom Line: We need people. We need Community. If you ever felt like you were drowning at sea, you know exactly what I mean. You wanted more than a life-preserver. You wanted a raft with people on it who will pull you on it, give you some water, towels to dry off, and a genuine ear to listen to what you've gone through until you're feeling safe again. This is what the authors want for all of us. When you read the book, you'll feel that sentiment in every word of every page.
Judy M Graybill
Certified Stepfamily Coach
We can almost all agree that we are more disconnected and mentally unhealthy than ever…this book gives us a path back! Insightful, powerful and real conversation like content. To have someone walk you through how to connect and protect you when you don’t know how is remarkable! This book is the manual for how to human…EVERYONE NEEDS THIS! Please read! 🙏💕
"So, how are you?"
Should we be surprised when people answer “great” whether they’re great or not? The consequences of answering with anything “more real” can feel overwhelming. Let’s say you don’t even have anything particularly devastating to share. Normal things, like “Eh, I’m kind of out of it today. I’ve restarted the same load of laundry three times.” That’s not a deep, dark, confession in the slightest. But it can still feel hard to admit. Why?
Because it’s a crap shoot. You have no idea what people would say to that. People are not trained in our culture to handle vulnerability. And, many times, honesty makes them uncomfortable, so they’ll push the conversation past the discomfort as quickly as possible.
“Expect disappointment. Some people just don’t know what to do when someone is real.”
R. M. Drake
Let’s say you decide to yeet it. Who cares, we’re throwing caution to the wind today. You feel safe enough, and you’re willing to suffer the consequences of a broken connection. You crack the door of your life, and they actually step through! You tell them what’s going on, they ask good questions, and (surprise!) they can relate. It’s happening! You feel seen, understood, and supported. What a breath of fresh air.
Then red alarms start flashing in your mind. How long has it been? Have I been talking about me this whole time? Oh my god, are they just humoring me? They’re probably annoyed. I haven’t asked about them. I bet they have their own stuff to deal with, they don’t need me dumping my problems on them.
See, even if you can get past the fear, the next hurdle awaiting you is guilt.
Connection is just fucking hard. We have to go there first.
And if you’re scared to do it, so is everyone else.
Good, and You? walks through myths, a method, and mindsets for connection and support.
Can we actually find out how our friends are doing?
We’re not used to being honest about what we’re going through. Someone asks you, “How are you?” The correct response is something like, “Great thanks!” It’s a call and response – like a social do-si-do.
This book is a practicum. It's a manifesto-meets-guidebook. We’ll talk about how we got to this disconnected place and why it matters, but most of our time will be spent on what we can do about it, in a very real, and concrete way.
We have a choice: move towards each other, or away.
If you’re looking around thinking, “Why do all these people have their shit together and I can’t seem to be happy?” please know that practically everyone in our culture is financially incentivized to disregard their shortcomings and pitch perfection.
If you’re feeling inadequate, you’re not.
About Your Authors
Kayla + Andy Izard
Kayla and Andy Izard are authors, speakers, founders, and facilitators changing the way the world does connection.
Their movement, The Raft Project, is making support normal and expected. Along with creating a safe space for real conversations in their community, they've poured their hearts into a book, Good, and You? How to Get Real Support Instead of Faking It, which released spring 2023. Good, and You? explores support and connection in a real, practical, lively way.
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